serious insomnia from the half-caf i drank at 10am.  good grief i am going to pay for this in a few hours.

--

i just xanga-stalked someone out of sheer boredom.  why is reading the mundane details of some stranger's life so fascinating?  is it that we humans need to be assured that we are not freaks and alone in a cosmically cold universe?  :b

i was having lunch w/ a friend when i saw g. pass by, outside the window.

he looked the same.  my heart stopped for a moment.  i couldn't finish the rest of my lunch.

i was a bit surprised that despite the distance i've traveled since i last saw him, he can still cause pangs.  but i realize that the pangs really are not of longing; meeting __ has brought me far away from thinking that i could've been happy in the long term w/ g.  they were more...pangs of missing a friend, someone that is dear to me.  i hope one day we can be real friends.

speaking of friends, i've realized over the past few months that i'm not the type of girl who thinks all her girlfriends are fabulously perfect.  all my closest friends irritate me at times.  and i irritate them.  but we truly love each other.  we're not waiting for the other to become perfect; we're just enjoying our moment in the sun together, irritations and all.  it's nice.  :)

on my walk one morning:



keeping n. company as she gets tatted up:



non sequitur.  whenever i debate policy, i realize i have little and tremendous faith in humanity.  for example, i don't believe in the death penalty.  even discounting the studies that show that death is not a deterrent for criminal behavior, isn't there at least a little arrogance in supposing that one human being can wisely discern when another's should be taken?  given the number of cases proven to have been tried in error, i would not want to be the judge responsible for ensuring that a man ceases to exist on this planet and meets whatever is on the other side.

and so, little faith in humanity.

and yet, the fact that i believe that every measure should be taken to preserve life -- my belief in the sanctity of human life -- implies a tremendous faith in the worthiness and beauty of human life, even if it is a life of dastardly deeds or a life seemingly condemned to poverty, misery and crime.  i believe everything is redeemable, whether it outwardly appears so or not.   and so, i have little confidence in laws that allow for the snuffing out of life b/c someone has deemed that it is better that a person (or a fetus*) be dead rather than alive.

*yes, i know - who determines when a zygote becomes human?  :b

--

another busy week, capped off by the most laid back fri ever.  drinks at sweeties, my new fave neighborhood bar ($3 IPA!  free refills on wine?!) followed by dinner at kennedy's irish pub & curry house.  yep, indian food at a irish pub replete with pool tables, foosball and air hockey.  i never realized that air hockey literally uses air on the table.  then, baked some chocolate chunk and ginger cookies for our smores session today.  ready to get this saturday started...

happy weekend.  :)

can you spot the little bird? he lives in this little nest at the cal academy of science.

now that we're officially halfway through the season, my inner football fan is coming awake. both my bay area guys and my ny guys took a beating this past week. hate to be a fair weather fan but i want to be able to follow a team into the post season. too bad i have no connection with new orleans.

and fine. 30 rock *is* funny.

when my married friends ask me what's going on, i usually shrug and say, "the usual."  it's funny.  every week is jam packed with things but it kind of pales to one's child walking for the first time, or breaking in her first tooth.  i love my life as a single person (particularly now that i'm not electronically handcuffed to my job) but i do look forward to saying, "sorry, i can't go out.  we're sleep training our baby."  :)

the after-work usual, this week:

monday:
dinner w/ j. & a. at sunflower cafe

tuesday:
county jail

wednesday:
yuerba buena gardens, fisherman's wharf & ferry building w/ d.
small group

thursday:
newbigin fellows meeting
drinks at long bar & bistro

friday:
breakfast at farm:table
bacon maple latte at pirate cat radio cafe
lunch at el metate
dinner w/ h&j

saturday:
feeding the homeless
rock climbing
game night

sunday:
church
mentoring session
harvest party

now, to remember to find rest in the midst of the busy-ness.  :9

 
(courtesy greg stocks)

i know.  we think optimists are naive and pessimists are realistic.

well.  i'm going to try my hardest to be a realistic optimist.  just because a story has played out the same way 100 times doesn't mean we can predict the ending the 101st time.  true, i'd be naive to be surprised at the same old results.  but i don't want to be the cynic that leaves no room for surprises.

happy weekend.

:)

this photo doesn't come anywhere near to capturing how beautiful and refreshing muir woods was today.  we got a little lost on our way back down but made up for it by eating some amazing korean food for dinner.  :)

on my list of things to make this week:

chocolate peanut butter rice krispies treats
carrot, walnut and raisin cupcakes w/ cream cheese frosting
caramel apples and celery sticks with creamy peanut butter dip
raspberry italian soda

yum. 

during a group convo today, a white male said, "everyone likes asians.  they're the minority group that doesn't cause trouble."

now, i know this guy.  he doesn't have an especial vendetta against asians.  he's sarcastic about many things, not merely race.

but still, something visceral rose up in me.  i make fun of many asian things.  maybe i inadvertently invite others to join in the mockery at times.  but to hear a privileged, white male say something about minorities brought back memories from college and all the "town hall" meetings about identity politics.

i'm not saying my reaction was right or wrong.  just noting that hearing someone that's not asian make a blanket statement about asians stirred something reactive in me.

i think you would appreciate "a severe mercy".

"내가 원하는 바 선은 하지 아니하고 도리어 원치 아니하는 바 악은 행하는도다."

그게 내 인생에서 사실이다.   정말 지루해 하지만 할수 있는게 뭐? 그리스도 안에서 끝까지 인내해야한다.

--

"꽃보다 남자" 드디어 끝났다.  바보처럼  4 일간 겨우 잠을 자지 않았고  몇 시간 가진 잠 동안은 말도 안되는 꿈을 꿨다.   좋은 점 하나는 한국어 언어 능력은 많이 향상되었다.  하지만 다시는 이런 짓은 아마 하지 아닐껄?