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Saturday, 28 November 2009

(fort funston)

i think i'm ruining the lens on my iphone by taking photos while the sun is blazing so brightly. i can't help that sf is so beautiful! :P i also think i'm subconsciously trying to destroy my iphone so that i'll have no choice but to buy a new phone.

after nearly 3 years in sf, i finally (co)hosted my first bonfire at ocean beach. loved every single moment of it, even the random people who were drawn by the fire and the crowd (including one elderly gentleman who claimed he was from dublin and wrote songs for U2). :)

in other news, watched "new york, i love you" and was a bit disappointed. it felt like a film student's senior project, rather than the work of seasoned auteurs. all the vignettes were basically love stories of a sort. the different vignettes, and particularly the one w/ chris cooper & robin wright penn, made me think about how exciting "love" is when we don't really know the object of our love. basically, we're free to fantasize about the object & that's what makes him/her so attractive. but, once we actually know the other person as s/he really is, we have to buckle down to the hard work of loving a living, independent being, as opposed to the sexy figment of our imagination. and of course, given that we're all human, the reality of personhood is never as immediately attractive as the fantasy.

the intimacy of marriage scares the heck out of me on days like this. i can't imagine being so thoroughly known by someone else and trusting that the person will still love me & believe the best about me. i'm sure it'll be a struggle on both sides some days! :P ack. good thing i don't have to deal with all this vulnerability just yet. i can still indulge in my unmarried pleasures, like watching "new moon" and kicking off christmas party season with some cookie decorating (hosted by a guy?!). ;P

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

serious insomnia from the half-caf i drank at 10am. good grief i am going to pay for this in a few hours.

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i just xanga-stalked someone out of sheer boredom. why is reading the mundane details of some stranger's life so fascinating? is it that we humans need to be assured that we are not freaks and alone in a cosmically cold universe? :b
(the grove, la)

growing up a new yorker (and now, being a san franciscan) i've felt disdain (and, let's admit it, envy) for the l.a. crowd. superficial, uncultured, outwardly bohemian but inwardly bourgeois.

well, bring on the bourgeois. i had a great weekend in l.a. and can see its allure. the weather, the cleanliness, the segregation. you don't have to be exposed to anything you don't want to be.

ok, this is half tongue in cheek. i really did love this past weekend in l.a. but i think it was more b/c i saw people that i love (hi!) than b/c the city was so awesome. and also b/c i had such low expectations of l.a. that everything seemed wonderful in comparison. ;)

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speaking of expectations, my motto of the month is: don't lower your expectations; lower your sense of entitlement. fitting for thanksgiving season.

:)

Thursday, 19 November 2009

i was having lunch w/ a friend when i saw g. pass by, outside the window.

he looked the same. my heart stopped for a moment. i couldn't finish the rest of my lunch.

i was a bit surprised that despite the distance i've traveled since i last saw him, he can still cause pangs. but i realize that the pangs really are not of longing; meeting __ has brought me far away from thinking that i could've been happy in the long term w/ g. they were more...pangs of missing a friend, someone that is dear to me. i hope one day we can be real friends.

speaking of friends, i've realized over the past few months that i'm not the type of girl who thinks all her girlfriends are fabulously perfect. all my closest friends irritate me at times. and i irritate them. but we truly love each other. we're not waiting for the other to become perfect; we're just enjoying our moment in the sun together, irritations and all. it's nice. :)

Monday, 16 November 2009

(sun setting on pac heights)

glorious days in sf.

looking for a black bridesmaid's dress. my friend & i went to herve leger and tried on dresses we had no intention of buying. but..sigh. they were beautiful. and they made me love my height. :)

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the more people i befriend, the more there is to worry about. spinal meningitis, heart disease, economic disaster. how long, oh Lord? :P

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i have this fantasy of driving (itself a fantasy b/c i don't know how yet!) down highway 1 and randomly stopping at beaches to camp out for a few days. kind of a kerouackian journey but less psychedelic and more scenic. :b